I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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