I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize