Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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