cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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