If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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