she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
