I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Randomize
