mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
