Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize