Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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