i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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