Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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