I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
