He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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