it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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