Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
