D3 body, D1 cock
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize