FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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