Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
