i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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