she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
