threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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