did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
