I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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