If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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