Me. At least after what I've been through.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
