he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Congratulations! We have a period
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
