There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
