i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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