You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They left me at home... I'm a liability
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
