The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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