I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
