from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
