apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
