Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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