I hope my margaritas pass through security.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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