Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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