Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
