I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
