Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
