WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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