i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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