whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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