he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
