Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
