Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
