I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize