so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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