gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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