I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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