Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
