Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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