awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
