so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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