can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
