Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
this is an emotional support booty call
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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