The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
