maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
