to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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