Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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