I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
