It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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