i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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