i don't like sucking hair
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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