evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
