i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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