Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
