I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He passed out mid-signature
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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