Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
