I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
