when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
