i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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