it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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