We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
