i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
