Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
